After leaving genuine wretched hive of scum and villainy that is Chunking Mansions and fleeing to Bangkok. there was only one place I was going to end up, The Khaosan Road.
If you’ve been to Thailand you’ve been to Khao San Road. This is the sleazy scum hole of Bangkok that epitomizes backpacking in Thailand. Laughing gas, tattoos, fake IDs and Street Food! And it was street food that would lead to me being brutally assaulted with a sausage.
We’d decided to go for a walk around, where I saw a street food vendor selling her wares, said wares consisted of a range of sausages. I picked a particularly pretty 3 balled variety which would cost 20 baht or 80 cents. At the time I felt it a great value. Alas, I was yet to know the full extent of what was to follow.
Money was exchanged and a sausage on a stick was handed over. I took my first bite, it was frozen in the middle. I returned said sausage, explained the problem and asked for my 20 Baht back. I was refused, and she said she’d heat it up for me. I declined said offer, and it appeared war was now inevitable.
We were now in a Mexican standoff – Well a Thai one, but both nations seem to have more in common than “donkey shows”.
A customer approached her stand and I politely explained the lack of food standards, and he left. She looked sane still, but angry. Then when I explained to the second customer about her frozen sausages shit got real. Twenty baht was thrown at me (which I caught). Then out of nowhere, it hit me, my uncooked sausage was hurled at my body. I Weaved away, and then a second seemingly from nowhere hitting the back of my Tonga Rugby League shirt. Was there a second shooter on the concrete knoll?
Insults were heard as we fled the scene of this sausage rampage. I bumped into the customer that had unknowingly started this processed meat mass shooting and he said: “wow she was crazy eh” (he was Canadian). I nodded and left.
I’d survived, I carry scars, and I now have my thousand-yard stare, but I hope if nothing else people learn from my story. That of a survivor.
Next time I’ll just have a battered sausage.