After a rip-roaring YPT style two days chasing a lot of communist monuments around Buzludzah and beyond, we decided it might be time for a little bit of beach action on our way back to Varna (which I know has a beach), to check out Sunny Beach.
Sunny Beach if you are to believe most reputable newspapers in the world The Sun, and The Daily Star, is the most debauched place on earth, where Brits do nothing but shag, vomit, and eat KFC, and the beaches are filled with marauding Bulgarian prostitutes all out to rob, and, or kill you. Sounds great!
Here’s what Sunny Beach is actually like in the off-season.
Is Sunny Beach cheap in the off-season?
The rooms cost us $15 per night including breakfast. The Hotel Balaton was cheap, nasty, and a complete end to end shit-hole, but it was $15. Long story short if you visit Sunny Beach in the off-season, you are guaranteed a cheap and nasty affair. Our hotel offered all-inclusive, with dinners and lunches looking “interesting”.
What kind of people travel to Sunny Beach?
The Daily Star might claim Sunny Beach is the new Kavos, but it looked more like the cast of Dad’s Army. Essentially lots of old Brits who sounded like they came from Scunthorpe.
To say Sunny Beach does not exactly attract a higher-end traveler would be an understatement. One of the bestest quotes we heard was an Englishman speaking loudly to a Bulgarian “WHY YOU PEOPLE DON’T SMILE, SMILE MORE”, whilst a ram-packed pub of Brits drank Stella and watched England beat Kosovo by 5-3.
What do people do on Sunny Beach?
Well if the things available are anything to go by, they eat English Breakfast, English food, spend the day on the beach, then watch English football in English pubs, before finishing with Karaoke, often whilst dressed stupidly.
What about the sex in Sunny Beach?
Barely the ripple of a nipple on the beach, and hardly any young revelers acting debauched of an evening. I am sure August is different, but mid-September in this part of Bulgaria is a bit like hitting rock bottom.
What are the bars and clubs like?
The bars of Sunny Beach are all English, all have live singers, and all do karaoke. It is like, well, erm England. Or a slightly hotter Isle of Sheppey.
The most ironic pub though to be the Brexit Bar, which was fun to the rafters of the type of Brit that hates the EU, whilst using his right to freedom of movement to turn a resort into a British colony.
We suspect the cool kids if they existed were in the overpriced bars and clubs that litter the beaches. We stuck our heads in, but hey perhaps were getting old.
Are there marauding hookers on the beaches of Sunny Beach?
We did not see any prostitutes in Sunny Beach. Sometimes, kids, the media lies to us man. Do not trust The Sun or Daily Star.
Summary of Sunny Beach during Off-Season
I know I am a travel snob, so I will try not to sound too much like a snob, each and all to their own, we all have budgets, and things we love, or hate. People think I am mad for going to places like North Korea, or Chernobyl.
But the Street Food Guy can say loud and proud as a mascot for dark tourism, that it is me who think you are mad.
Drops the mic.